Anxieties fire

When you get to the point that you are locked up in your room

Curled up into the tightest ball of gloom;

flinching at every noise

Praying that no one will call your name or open that bedroom door

In that moment you are not thinking of hurting anyone

You aren’t looking to draw slights as weapons; cutting ties and bonds

You aren’t screaming for attentions sake – if that were so, why would your tears fall silent?

 

In reality you are wishing your own reality away

The thoughts got too much

The flight got too hard

The faces of those you loved got blurred

Blurred into something alien – unintelligible – within a crowded mind

More frequently the words trickled out of your mind and down the spine

Sending shivers all over the body

A sign of an impending panic attack

Afraid another moment with your anxious mind

would unravel friendships and family binds

Off you went – crawled into bed

Curled up so tight as thoughts filled with dread

 

There you lie in a paranoid ball

Wishing your existence away

Yet somehow not being able to take it away

So there you stay

Pretending you are in a state of limbo –                you are

Sneaking out for food and drink in the night

Torn between a desperate state of wanting to live and wanting to die

You don’t want to be alone;

but you know only panic attacks await

and nothing outside of this room could understand you in this state

“What chance do I have to be normal?” You ask yourself

when you can’t even be free around those you love

This is anxieties fire

 

This cycle will not be broken if you don’t take a chance

If you’re not there to explain yourself

then others will prance

They will not be kind

They will not forgive

and whilst you are better off without them

You are also better off outside –  fighting to be free

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